A Love Letter to My Soul House

an overdue love letter to my Soul House in the Himalayas.

i was only 19

a staunch little Richard Dawkins loving atheist

secretly leaving home with nothing but a backpack

alone i boarded a bus in a chaotic station in chandigarh

the wrong bus

somehow we still found each other

you were my last resort

my mind plagued with thoughts out of my control

“mild depression” my GP called it after

a 7 question

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you opened your arms and welcomed me

showered me with more love than i even knew possible, without saying a word

tears welled up in my eyes, i fought back

how did i feel so much knowing so little about you

“you are an old soul who has come back home”

i didn’t believe a word, my mind attached to an identity id built as an “intellectual” of sorts

I saw Muslims from Iran, Hindus from across India and Christians from Russia all come to you

i stayed an extra day

then another

and another

on the brink of a new year

my friends called

“we’re coming to pick you up – let’s go to Goa and party!”

but i surprised myself

i chose to stay with you, my love

parties, alcohol and dancing the night away i had done a thousand times

you were something else altogether

you taught me how to meditate

but oh you did so much more than just quieten my mind

you showed me love

taught me how to love the world unconditionally

yours was divine, infinite and pure bliss

the kind that can’t be found in books or blogs

the kind that can only be experienced

i thought i knew love having found “the one”


i knew attachment, expectation and romantic love

you showed me that everything i ever wanted was already inside me

40 days passed

40 days of

bliss, love and light

i watched stars, birds and mountains in awe of their beauty

then came my time to leave

i cried bitterly as I left

so afraid of feeling empty again without you

but you assured me

“it goes wherever you go”

i was still so scared

but you took the fear out of me

this December will be 8 years since we met

the state of the world such that I cannot pay my annual visit

too fragile, too scared of my own misery I kept coming back to you every year

again and again, you showed me love

but finally, I understand what you meant when you said

“it goes where you go, be a warrior of light”