love letter

an overdue love letter to my Soul House in the Himalayas. i was only 19 a staunch little Richard Dawkins loving atheist secretly leaving home with nothing but a backpack alone i boarded a bus in a chaotic station in Chandigarh the wrong bus somehow we still found each other you were my last resort my mind plagued with thoughts out of my control “mild depression” my GP called it after a 7 question 1 page form you opened your arms and welcomed me showered me with more love than i even knew possible, without saying a word tears welled up in my eyes, i fought back how did i feel so much knowing so little about you “you are an old soul who has come back home” i didn’t believe a word, my mind attached to an identity id built as an “intellectual” of sorts I saw Muslims from Iran, Hindus from across India and Christians from Russia all come to you i stayed an extra day then another and another on the brink of a new year my friends called “we’re coming to pick you up - let’s go to Goa and party!” but i surprised myself i chose to stay with you, my love parties, alcohol and dancing the night away i had done a thousand times you were something else altogether you taught me how to meditate but oh you did so much more than just quieten my mind you showed me love taught me how to love the world unconditionally yours was divine, infinite and pure bliss the kind that can’t be found in books or blogs the kind that can only be experienced i thought i knew love having found “the one” wrong i knew attachment, expectation and romantic love you showed me that everything i ever wanted was already inside me 40 days passed 40 days of bliss, love and light i watched stars, birds and mountains in awe of their beauty then came my time to leave i cried bitterly as I left so afraid of feeling empty again without you but you assured me “it goes wherever you go” i was still so scared but you took the fear out of me this December will be 8 years since we met the state of the world such that I cannot pay my annual visit too fragile, too scared of my own misery I kept coming back to you every year again and again, you showed me love but finally, I understand what you meant when you said “it goes where you go, be a warrior of light” 🙏🏽