Daizy Maan

Being Grateful AND Demanding Respect

Original post on Brown Girls Rising Facebook Group: Last year a director at a publicly listed company I was serving on the board of yelled at me. I had never in my life been spoken to like that (outside of home of course). He yelled at me because I was on my laptop for the first 5 minutes of the 3 hour board meeting. I’m technically his equal, not his junior AND many other directors check emails too. Then he said out allowed “I wanted to slam your fingers shut in that laptop” I conjured up the tiny bit of self respect I had and said that’s inappropriate. Then he said it again louder and banging his fists on the table. I couldn’t help it - I started crying and left the room, the other female chairman was ment to drop me home but she remained mostly submissive and silent during this whole exchange - so I walked to the curb and got in an Uber. A few days passed, they didn’t event call - just a text for me to call her (the chairman). I decided to take a stand - I drafted up an email highlighting every single time I had been dismissed and I asked for a written apology. As the next committee meeting came around, the chairman called me and asked if I still wanted to be on that investment committee, I said of course. She said but X is the chair and we don’t want any further confrontation. I confirmed I was perfectly fine to continue serving on the investment committee (which hands out $700k per year in grants and sponsorship and I wanted to try direct more of that money to genuine impact and youth work). But it was so weird - I did nothing wrong yet she wanted to kick me off the committee instead of the chairperson of that committee (who was the guy who yelled at me). Fast forward a year to now I finally resigned. It was bitter sweet because I wanted to feel grateful AND demand more. They elected me a director at 22 (unheard of in all of the country’s history for this bank) and I appreciated the opportunity, but in the end - it felt like tokenism. Anyway if anyone is in a situation like this - I have draft emails if you ever want to use to understand how to demand respect . (**this is not a full-time job, this is a board directorship and I am not an employee. I have another full time job, this was in my spare time.) Original email a few days after the incident occurred. Thursday, 1 August 2019 8:15 PM To: Director Subject: Future at {company}

Hi XXX,

-

I appreciate the opportunity you have provided me to serve as a Director with XXX over the last 3.5 years. This email has been a difficult one to write and I have given it ample thought as well as discussing with my mentors in terms of the appropriate course of action.

I’m sorry I started crying after the board meeting and could not have an effective conversation with you or Andrew. I’m not used to being spoken to in that way. For someone to yell at me and say “I wanted to slam your laptop shut with your fingers in it” was quite unsettling for me, so I had to leave. I tried my best to have a conversation but when I said “that’s inappropriate” he said he didn’t care, that he felt uncomfortable being on a board with someone like me because I wasn’t paying attention and continued to yell at me. I do not think this is aligned with XXX Group’s values or FranchisorXXX values.

In my history of having 17 jobs and 14 volunteer roles including my role as a Director I have not cried nor have I ever been spoken to like that. I’m 100% sure AAAA would never speak in that manner to other Directors or staff.

I apologised for checking emails during the meeting and pointed out that I only sent 3 emails of 1 sentence each - so AAAA comment around my typing throughout the meeting is exaggerated. Regardless, I take full responsibility and understand it is not ok for me to send emails during board meetings. However AAAA response in raising his voice and being threatening was outright inappropriate.

During the board meeting I tried my best to contribute, though I am constantly competing with Director’s speaking over me and not taking me seriously. I put forward a paper that the Youth Advisory Committee I Chair had carefully drafted on the impact of {REDACTED} and again I felt it was barely taken seriously by the board - DDDD was dismissive saying “100k customers in 8 months is nothing” , NNNN hadn’t read it and no one had any feedback or comments. I offered to be involved in the cluster marketing group, to which AAAA said “there’s no point” - I don’t understand why he can be involved and my efforts to be involved are regularly dismissed. I expressed my concerns about the inappropriate comments made by the Labour MP during the Ashburton Soccer Club Gala that we were a major sponsor of and appreciate that you and BBBB took this seriously however others seemed not to care, and DDDD said “let Bob deal with it” in a rather dismissive way.

My main expertise is in the area of entrepreneurship, social enterprise, digital marketing, social media, youth engagement, communication and customer acquisition through the aforementioned methods. I have effectively used these skills in my management position at Deakin University where I manage an annual 550k budget and have built a program from scratch that has created 99 jobs, $3m in revenue and engaged 5000 people.

However at XXX I have not been able to advise on anything remotely related to my skill set for a combination of reasons - the board’s lack of understanding of fintech and digital marketing, other priority issues for the board to consider (REDACTED), rules imposed by FranchisorXXX around what we can and cannot do in this space. I would like to be with an organisation where my skills are valued and utilised - I’m not sure if this will be the case at XXX.

I had hoped to contribute effectively to raising the board’s awareness and understanding of the booming fintech space, decentralised banks (crypto), how online banks are disrupting this industry and the impact this will have on our future - which is key to our mission statement of remaining relevant in the coming years. Additionally effective community engagement for young people who care about global issues more than local issues in the current climate.

In addition to the incident from Wednesday, the following come to mind:

  • The way CCCC snapped at me during a Board meeting for providing feedback on a new website, as she assumed I had received notification about it prior  (which I had not) - again I was spoken to in a way that I know she would not speak to other Directors. Also no one said anything to stand up for me and continued as if it was normal behavior.

  • The Terms of Reference point out that the XXXX Committee is to consider matters proposed to it by the board, we rarely have received any matters from the board related to youth other than DDDD  occasional comment of “get them to bank with us”. Other than yourself, there is a clear lack of interest in youth from the board.

  • I asked if my AICD course could be funded, I was told I need to wait till FranchisorXXX has a similar offering. As one of the youngest Directors’ I feel I do not get the coaching/mentoring/support from others to contribute effectively.

  • I suggested a co-working space for our new head office, this too was dismissed. Despite Melbourne being Co-working capital of Australia and our commitment to serving our community we seem unwilling to explore innovative new space options

  • I have constantly asked for more diverse community groups and have never received them. This is where I feel I can add more value in terms of having more diversity in our impact and our customer base.

  • We seem unwilling to trial more innovative marketing campaigns and stick to traditional messaging and methods.

Based on the above I’m considering the next steps which are resignation or continue to be involved with a written apology from AAAA and a commitment to take my input seriously. I am open to meeting with you in the coming week to discuss what you think the best option is and if there is a future where I can contribute effectively to XXXX group.

Again I appreciate everything you have done for me, and commend your efforts in advocating for youth at the XXX group.

Thanks,

Daizy Maan –– Fast forward one year, I never got that apology, I sent the following email this year in August to all the nice directors and the chairman (I did not send to the directors who have been rude to me). —–

Dear XXX, BBB, MMMM, BBBB and RRRR, Thank you for the glass plaque in the mail, it was a nice gesture. To be very honest I never felt the below matters [forwarded above email to everyone] were ever addressed properly hence my inability to appreciate the gesture. I never did receive an apology from AAAA, nor was my Director education funded. I appreciate having been given the opportunity to join the board at a young age hence my conflicted feelings about the below but simultaneously I can be grateful, and have my needs of respect met. It’s not mutually exclusive, so thank you and I hope this feedback provides the board something to think about when it comes to real diversity and inclusion. Regards, Daizy — I never got a response. My main takeaways here are :

* stand up for yourself

* life is too short to stick around in a company, I should have left 2+ years ago. I got what I needed to learn in the first 2 years max (even so it wasn’t very useful, my startup skills are more usefl than what I learnt being on the board - it did teach me about how power & privilige work though which is useful). * be clear on the value you add * respond once emotions have settled, never send an angry email - you’ll regret it. Best to level headed (sure write the email while angry but save in drafts and review later). * don’t under-estimate your skills, you don’t need any fancy titles to be validated. You are enough, challenge yourself in ways that don’t include being disrespected.